My Future

21st Feb. 2017

I've been in a relationship with Cliff with slightly more than a year.

I swear this is the happiest I have ever been.

It's really a surprised that I didn't get any hate-mail or similar stuffs when I out-ed on Facebook.

Guess no one really gives a fuck anymore. Which is probably a good thing.

Anyway, I went to one of my NS buddies, ZX's wedding lunch, last Sunday.
It was beautiful.
They were together for 8-9 years. That is a long time given that people no longer care much about the sacredness of marriage.
Or relationships.
They looked so happy in each other arms. I'm slightly jealous.

Throughout the lunch, all I can see is their smiling faces, and me thinking if I ever could get married with Cliff.

I know it's a bit selfish of me to think about myself while attending others' wedding, but I couldn't help myself.

I want marry Cliff in the future. But I probably won't be able to show it proudly to the world.
Partly because of money.
Partly because I'm afraid of how people will bash us.
Even though I don't really care how people will view us, it still hurts when people can't accept who you are.

I want to have an awesome wedding some day as well.
But I probably can't with the HDB loan pulling me down.
And I probably can't with the society as it is.

It's not like I fucking wanted to choose this fucking path.

Aaron's wedding is in July and WX's wedding is in November.
I probably shouldn't go for Aaron's.
WX's is definitely a must.

Cheers.

Next Stage of Life?

23rd June. 2015.

Wow, it has been almost a year since my last post. A lot of stuffs has happened. Nothing life changing up till now. But lemme just post a simple update.

Had been playing Ingress quite often. Only got tired of it recently. Met quite a lot of people through the game. It really shows the different type of people in this world. And it's really not that easy to classify each and everyone as black or white. Or Blue and Green in this case.

This game force out the true nature of some people. Maybe that's why people keep on playing it. Being a virtual reality game, yet in the real world, causes some people to lose the thin line bordering what's right and what's wrong.

I actually had a crush on a few people I met. Like Ernest, Nicole and Epi.

But life doesn't always go your way. In my case. Never. So I hadn't thought about going into any relationship. Or rather. I didn't even want to think about it.

Up till recently, Alvin asked me out for a run. Somehow after that session, our relationship sky-rocketed. I'm not sure how it happened. Or what triggered it. But I confessed my feelings to him just now, he seemed okay with it.

I'll see how it goes from here. Hopefully it'll be a good episode in my life.

Work stuffs.... I transferred to System x in the beginning of the year, hoped that I can leave all the BBS stuffs/saikang behind....

But as luck would have it, my current Boss WK decided to take in BBS team as well. Now I've to run twice the places. Oh well. I'm not complaining much. I think that I got along quite well with Boss WK. That should open up quite a few paths for me.

All the best to me, I guess.

Relationship

July 22nd. 2014.
Cloudy evening.

My relationship with him has been declining to almost Nothing these few months.

My stress level had been a rollercoaster ride.
Often, I find myself urging to destroy. To set fire. To kill.

I'm afraid my charm and sanity won't hold up any much longer.

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Last Saturday night, had dinner with Clare, Desmond and JS. Nice to see them doing so well. Jealous of them.

Desmond suggested signing bond with StarHub. I could do that. But I need an income to pay for the house.

Fuck.

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Sometimes I wonder what would it be like if I continued studying. Then I realised I won't be able to afford studying anyway.

Fuck.

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He just asked me to help him with his income tax. Again. Year after year. Why can't he just learn do it himself? While he was talking to me, I realised that I do not want anything to do with him. Nothing at all.
I replied with "I'm busy". "I'm going to work".

He persisted.

"I don't want to help you".

He stood behind me. Silent.

I turned around without looking at him. "Didn't you heard me? I don't want to help you." I returned to my task.

He left my room.

I thought to myself, "Why aren't you dead yet?" Anybody who doen't even try to live should just die.

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Trying my best to keep my stress level in check.
With games, manga and anime. And ironically, my Chuunibyou lowering my stress level too.

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Recently, I got to know KYW better from work. We are not from the same company, but our job are similar. We've met each other often enough to call each other friend.

After talking to each other, I found that his life is mainly about work. No time in his life for hobbies. It maybe because he's such a nice guy. And nice guys usually deals with all the shit.

I pity him. He needs some work-life balance. But I don't think I'm in the position to advice him.

God bless him though, for being such a nice person.

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If anyone finds this blog, and can help me, please help me. My sanity is losing the war here.

Dark > Light

（好）人难做

七月二十七日，礼拜六

最近又迷上了卫斯理小说系列，又和妈讨论了一阵子， 思想难免中文化了一些。

今天在工作上遇到了一个蛮气馁又纳闷的一件事。今早，跟往常一样，以为该维修的电脑零件已到公司，蛮早就到公司拿货。哪知道那个零件还需要等到下个拜五才到。

零件迟到就算了，那我就先做其他工作。今天刚好又是另外一个“海啸”，银行软件更新不好而应发的“海啸”。身为好心又无知的我，立刻就想到了“能帮多少就帮多少”。那些能够在电话上容易解决的案子，我马上拿起电话解决。

我就这样开开心心的用了大半个上午解掉了大多数的案子。哪知道不久后PS就打了个电话给我。PS是我在的那组里其中一个“老鸟”。接了电话就立刻被他教训一番。被他说了“不应该在分布所露出我们的马脚，不应该一下子接收了那么多的案子。那是我们的上风，我们的秘密。如果被上头知道了一个人能够解掉那么多的案子，我们的组可能又会变得更小。”之类的话。

我听了之后，只能连连说是，因为我只是一个小职员。
我虽然明白为何他会那么说，可是我不能够接受他的理由。怪我无知也好，我不能明白为何他需要那么小心眼呢？上头真的有那么不讲理吗？

我再继续的想了又想，会不会有人因为我的做法而感到不爽。想想看，还真的不止一个会。很有可能在下一个会议上又要被人家说三道四了。

想要做一个好人真难。想想看，要做一个普通人也一样的难。做像我这样的外星人更难！

Last day at the Bistro

Thursday 30th May 2013.
Or rather Friday 31th May 2013.

Disclaimer: I'm probably writing this in a total drunk mode.

So I've decided to quit Wawawa at the end of May. Partly because I couldn't stand Shane's "tyranny". Partly because Noh told me I was gonna be in server team, and the BBS2K gonna downsized. (I wasn't in server team, but I still got more work to do.)

We have 7 people gathered, including me for the night. Me, Genno, Marilyn, Andrew, Alicia, WR and Diana. I treated them some light snacks and 2 towers of Heineken.

We chatted about lots of stuffs, like the JC kids talking about alcohol and enzymes, books and author, ghost stories and such.

I agreed to lend Diana my collections of "Hitchhiker's Guide". And I've finally asked Genno about why I'm at the bar.

Reason is because I'm the longest part-timer working there, and they can "trust" me. Chey. I could figured out at least that much. But why is it when I told Shane that I'm quitting, she gives me the feelings that she was "tired of me", and couldn't wait to "see me leave". I dunno....

But I gotta admit, I've really learned a lot of things in my 10 months working there. Coffees, Liqueurs, Cocktails, Mocktails, drinks and foods too. Not to forget: "Customer service". It's really amazing that someone like me could learn so much. And have so many people misses me. Even the notorious Chef William asked me to stay too....

Truthfully, I'm really touched. I could even cry. But right now, I think my job in IBM has higher priorities. Please excuse me for a while.

Thank you WAWAWA.

P.s.
Diana is really easy to make friends with. =)

Genting Trip 2013

April 28th. End of Genting Trip.

Let's start at the beginning. There were me, TR, WX and WF.
26th afternoon at around 12+, reached Genting. Jalan-jalan, makan-makan, etc. It was fun with us 4 guys. The interesting part was, during the night when we were having our heart to heart talk, WX was lying on the bed with me, I was half-asleep by then.

Then I felt a hand on my dick. Then the hand fiddle around, and pinch it a bit.

OMG. OMFG.

I tried to openly ask about him the next day, he didn't admit or deny it. Well, he didn't deny it prolly already means he did it. But still.... Growing a huge crush on him. =x

Second day was amusement park day. Didn't took a lot of ride. =/ Too many people mainly. And we went to sing karaoke too. And we spotted a double rainbow after a long rain! Me, TR and WX went around the casinos during the night. That was when I really understood firsthand what is 'Human Greed'.

Third day was the coldest day. Woke up early for dim sum breakfast, played a bit of arcade, and went out to take the coach back to Singapore. Went we were outside, it was cold with a slight drizzle, and it's actually cold enough to see our own breath! Wow.

Overall, it was a very interesting experience. I'm really glad I decided to go on this short holiday which these people. I really learned a lot for this.

Thank you everyone.

On a side note, I had brought my 3DS everywhere during the trip, but there wasn't any StreetPass spotted.

It can't be that there isn't anyone playing 3DS in Genting!?

First Post

January 1st. 2013.

Another year has just passed. Another year more to struggle with life.

Currently now at LY's house staying overnight. Others had left for their own houses. Only me and JH are left. For me, I don't feel like going back home just yet.

I wanna forget about my problems, if only just for one night.

The night had been quite fun. First with me bringing the steamboat, cooking and preparing the food for others. Eating with friends. The abundance of meats due to the suggestion of LY. And the drinking after the meal.

I had no idea I'd enjoyed it that much. It was worth coming down to celebrate. But then again, my problems wouldn't go away just because of this night.

I need to man up and face my problems. Just like how I did last year. Solving problems by problems.

And I won't make any resolutions, because there's no need for it. I'll just do what has to be done.

Here's to 2013. Cheers! And bye 2012, thanks for everything you had taught me!

Cheers!

Edit: On a different note, I've message WJ a Happy New Year. Just awaiting for her reply....